(Since Daniel Greenfield/Sultan Knish could not post today, we instead present this article from noted health care reform expert Dr. Morder Krankenhaus)
Why America Needs Government Health Care Right Now!
by Dr. Morder Krankenhaus
And now even as many Americans cannot get affordable health care, because the government is forcing doctors and insurance companies out of business... many of your countrymen still refuse the idea of a government health care program. But what is so terrible about a health care program run to the high standards of the Post Office and the Department of Housing and Urban Development. Why the worst that could happen is that all hospitals will be closed on the weekend and go bankrupt by trying to use patient bills as investment bonds.
This is part of the natural socialist economic cycle in which government imposes so many regulations on a service that the average man cannot afford it, then turns into a monopoly for the benefit of the people, and then bankrupts it and points at the people and laughs. Yet somehow these ignorant mobs are opposed to this.
But fortunately health care is too important to be left to the doctors or the patients. Why if it was up to them, they would simply exchange payment for treatment, and that would be it. And what would the government and its vast echoing chambers of bureaucracy be left to do, except starve in the streets? Think of it, regulators holding their hats in hand on street corners. Commissars licking spilled liquor up from the gutters. Parliamentarians prostituting themselves in doorways. The horror. The humanity.
But under the glorious European system, Mahmoud and all his wives and offspring will receive a limousine ride to a hospital crawling with cockroaches the size of Norway rats and Norway rats the size of Mahmoud's own children. Along the way they will pass numerous Afghan veterans dying in the gutters as well as happy British transsexuals whose gender reassignment surgery was paid for by the British taxpayer. After a short stay in the hospital in which his wives will battle various infections, orderlies and giant rats, Mahmoud will cheerfully welcome a bouncing bearded 301'st child, which he will beat to death if it is not a boy.
This triumph of the British National Health Care system is made possible because it consists almost entirely of bureaucrats who have been designated to closely monitor the health and welfare of people who might possibly want to kill them, all the while making up a string of random rules to confuse and confound everyone else in order to prevent them from getting any health care whatsoever. This is because the NHS cannot possibly both provide health care for everyone and jobs for numerous bureaucrats whose only actual tasks involve not doing anything offensive enough to be fired for.
As the progressive field of government health care marches forward, Britain looks forward to entirely disposing of any doctors and nurses and simply warehousing patients indefinitely in locked buildings until they die. Or as people in Latin America call it, "Cuban Medicine."
Of course my contemporaries in Washington D.C. inform me that most Americans are pathologically ignorant swine who spend all day shooting bibles and reading guns. Many of them do not even believe politicians evolved from apes and that the EU was created as a result of a giant mysterious explosion in the cosmos. But surely even they must realize that they have no right to expect to be able to manage their own affairs. Who do they think they are anyway? The government.
Please, listen to me. Without government health care, who will decide who lives or dies? In the event of resource shortages, who will decide which patients are less worthy of life? I picture the chaos and anarchy of a free market health care system and I shudder. But it is not too late. In the words of one of your great countrymen, "Government health care today, Government health care tomorrow, Government health care forever" (or at least until the system runs out of money, which will probably be tomorrow.)
Dr. Morder Krankenhaus is not a practicing medical doctor, but he does have numerous degrees in Medical Ethics which he uses to compile his lists of who should live and who should die. Also a number of people around his house have disappeared and their whereabouts to this day remain unknown.