Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Posted by Daniel Greenfield 3 Comments
Jerusalem - Dorian Paskowitz, a retired 86 year old man who has not used his brain since the Eisenhower administration has decided to donate his brain to impoverished Gaza Arabs.
"Lookee here," Dorian Paskowitz said, "I'm an eighty six year old man. I'm probably gonna die soon. Wat do I need a brain for? I don't use it anyway. Those fellows in Gaza, they need a brain. I mean look at them. Smashing up everything. Shooting rockets and killing der own wimen and children. So I decided I should gib my brain to them. Mebbe it'll do them some good."
While international organizations have praised Dorian Paskowitz's sacrifice in donating his own brain to the mentally impoverished Palestinian Arabs of Gaza who up till now still can't figure out how to spend any of the billions of dollars in aid they get each year on a payroll accounting system or to keep themselves from drowning in raw sewage, Israeli military authorities have become concerned about the strategic implications of a Jewish brain in an Arab head.
"A Jewish brain imported into the head of a top Arab terrorist could seriously alter the strategic equation," said an anonymous IDF General. "We are risking the possibility of facing an enemy whose strategy no longer revolves around taking random potshots at Israeli kindergartens and whining to the international community when we shoot back, but actual organized warfare."
Dorian Paskowitz's doctor, 76 year old Marshall Mirkin Goldstein however discounted such concerns. "Dorian, he's an old man. Not a spring chicken like me. His brain is not so good, he gets confused easily. Yesterday he told me he wanted to donate his gall bladder to Jimmy Carter so he shouldn't be so bitter anymore and his sanity to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad so he shouldn't be such a crazy maniac all the time."
Dorian Paskowitz had previously become famous for donating surfboards to Gaza Arabs. But the backlash was swift when Hamas terrorists discovered that the surfboards would not successfully carry Kassams across the water to Israeli beaches. Dorian Paskowitz was accused of being "A Zionist agent who has deliberately set out to sabotage the glorious campaign of the martyrs. May a thousand curses fall on him and his camel."
"Today with my brain," Dorian Paskowitz said, striding across the Gaza border, "I hope to give back to the mentally impoverished Palestinian people who have not two good thoughts to rub together in their little heads.
"I read of a Palestinian Arab who had nothing to think about except blowing himself up and doing naughty things with 72 virgins or raisins in paradise and felt very sad. With my brain in his head I hope to give him many other things to think about, like kidney problems and getting up to go to the bathroom three times a night and how expensive all the groceries are today and whether you turned off the light when you went to bed and if the radiation from the television is gonna make you blind before you hit 90 and he will not have any more time for such foolishness as thinking of blowing himself up when he has real problems to worry about."
Labels: Satire ·