Articles

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Compacted News Roundup - We Read It So You Don't Have To

(APREUTERSUPI)

Harriet Miers, Bush's nominee for the Supreme Court, withdrew her nomination due to becoming infected with Avian bird flu. Avian bird flu is expected to claim 600 Billion lives worldwide this year alone as it spreads from dogs to pigeons to cats to Google which some watchfull users claim will shortly be coming out with Floogle, a search engine dedicated to tracking and spreading the Avian Bird Flu virus. It is not clear what possible commercial application spreading the Avian Bird Flu virus could have, however Google is well known as an innovative company.

Hurricane Beta continues to menace the Gulf Coast flooding areas as part of a plan by top Bush administration official Karl Rove to strand the crew of Lost on a distant desert island. Rove's indictment seems likely on charges that he brought down the Lost jet, exposed the name of the castmember set to die in an upcoming episode and was responsible for a fit of sneezing by Howard Dean.

Iran and North Korea have once again threatened to blow up the world while Sunnis and Shiites in Iraq jealously look on frustrated that they are only able to blow up each other. Google is reputedly set to come out with a new service tentatively named Boomgle that will allow terrorists to locate and blow up local targets in their area to be integrated with Google's Local service. The latest wave of violence in Iraq was reportedly brought on by the scratched I-Pod Nano's of several key Mullahs and Sheiks finally discovering the reason why they hate us; I-Pod.

Harriet Miers, who had withdrawn from consideration for the Supreme Court after allegations that she had been programmed by Google, denied claims that she was the secret child of Janet Jackson while relatives of 2000 American soldiers killed by Hurricane Katrina continue to mourn the I-Pod's damaged by Avian bird flu virus.

This is your brain. This is your brain on mainstream media.

1 comments:

ruth2 said...

LMAO! LMAO! This is my brain close to 6 PM deadline!

Post a Comment