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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

How I Became a Hate Group

When I went to sleep last night, little did I know that while outside sirens competed with car alarms in the symphony that is New York City, I had already been declared a hate group.

Being declared a hate group wasn't in my plans for the day, but like winning the lottery, it seems to be one of those things that happens when you least expect it. Except that as the little bald man in front of the bodega tells you, you have to play to win, but you don't even have to buy a ticket to be declared an official hate group.

My first response on finding out that I was now a hate group was to look around to see where everyone else was. A hate group needs the group part and one man and a cat don't seem to be enough. Even when the cat is a well known bigot who hates mice, birds, car alarms that go off in the middle of the night, the plumber and sudden noises.

Still the Southern Poverty Law Center had listed, "Sultan Knish a blog by Daniel Greenfield" as one of their Active Anti-Muslim Hate Groups, alongside such other vast organizations as "Faith Freedom", a website for ex-Muslims, and "Casa D'Ice Signs", the signs on a bar located on K-Mart Plaza in Allegheny County, Pennsylvania.

Someone with less faith in the fact checking abilities of the Southern Poverty Law Center might have thought that whoever had made up this list had no clue that "Casa D'Ice" was a lounge with signs outside, that there was no such group as "Casa D'Ice Signs" and that signs are pieces of plastic and not a hate group. But I had faith that the Center knew more than I did. Perhaps its crack team of researchers had learned that the signs had come alive and formed their own hate group, somehow arranging their own letters to form messages about illegal immigration and the need to get out of Iraq.

My first thought was to wonder whether some mistake had been made in my own case, but the Southern Poverty Law Center people are experts on hate groups, even if they don't seem to know what the definitions of "hate" or "groups" or "hate groups" might be. Even if they seem to have copied their list off a forum somewhere at the last minute to have something to show the donors. Clearly I was now a hate group and with tax season upon us, I called my accountant to find out if there was a tax deduction for that. There wasn't.

As a consolation though, I was listed as "active", which I took as a compliment because I had jogged a few miles yesterday and clearly the Southern Poverty Law Center had noticed. They also listed me as being in New York, which showed that the Center was well aware that it was aggressively trespassing above its jurisdiction below the Mason-Dixon Line and invading the north.

The Southern Poverty Law Center's "Hate Map" (TM), which is either a map of hate groups or a map of groups that the center hates, had me floating somewhere in the East River next to the National Black Foot Soldier Network and the National Socialist Movement in Long Island. Say what you will, but I think it's a real tribute to the broadminded diversity of the city that there's room for all of us there, from Catholic Family News to the Nation of Islam to the newest massively organized hate group-- me.

I had fewer members, especially if you don't count the cat, and no uniforms or jackboots, but I had to soldier on. The Southern Poverty Law Center was in desperate need of more hate groups to fight and I couldn't let them down. It's not easy running a 216 million dollar organization which has been described as the country's richest civil rights organization with misleading fundraising practices.

Having succeeded in such diverse areas as being George McGovern's national finance director, Carter's national finance director and national finance chairman for Ted Kennedy's presidential campaign, SPLC head honcho Morris Dees doesn't have many options except to collect his 0.95 percent compensation and solicit more donations to fight active hate groups like me and that guy who puts up signs on his bar. I knew that I couldn't let him down.

Every time the Southern Poverty Law Center sent out another begging letter asking donors to help an organization with a mere 216 million dollar endowment fight an impossible uphill battle against Bare Naked Islam, Atlas Shrugs and Concerned Citizens for the First Amendment, I had to do my part so that all the poor employees of the Southern Poverty Law Center would have enough to eat that night. 

According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, which seems to have expanded beyond its core mission of using the law to impoverish people in the south, to qualify as an Anti-Muslim hate group, you had to believe such outrageous filthy things as the notion that Islam might be, "sanctioning pedophilia, marital rape and child marriage".

People who believe such Islamophobic nonsense include the Ayatollah Khamenei, the Grand Mufti of Australia and whoever wrote the Koran, which says, "marry of women as may be agreeable to you, two, or three, or four".

Quickly I understood that I was now part of a much bigger Anti-Muslim hate group than I had realized. This Islamophobic group included all of Islam. Was it possible for Islam itself to be an Anti-Muslim hate group? It seemed mind-boggling, but there could be no other answer.

Pakistan, which had legalized the marriage of 12 year olds, was surely the base for a major Anti-Islamic hate group which was doing its best to demean Islam. It also appeared to be conspiring to depict Muslims as "irrational, intolerant and violent", which was another check box on the SPLC list. But the story didn't end there.

"These groups also typically hold conspiratorial views regarding the inherent danger to America posed by its Muslim-American community." Now it appeared that Anti-Islam hate groups included the FBI and the NYPD, which were notorious for suspecting that Muslim-Americans might be terrorists and arresting them and detaining them for doing nothing more than practicing some aspects of their religion.

Suddenly it wasn't just one man and a cat-- it was the entire Muslim world, the FBI, the NYPD and it didn't end there. The Southern Poverty Law Center's own website had a list of Top 10 Jihadists, slurring the names of such respectable practitioners of traditional Islam as  Anwar Al-Awlaki, a Muslim cleric who appeared on PBS, NPR and many other outlets to explain the peaceful nature of Islam and Abdullah Muhammad, whom the Center outrageously suggests was conspiring to terrorize South Park for mocking the other Muhammad, the one who in a bid to make Islam look bad practiced pedophilia, marital rape and child marriage.

Even the Southern Poverty Law Center had exposed itself as an Anti-Islam hate group, and how could I or anyone else trust it to assemble a reliable Anti-Islam hate group list, when it had left itself off that list.

It was hard for me to accept that a group of intrepid researchers who had cluelessly listed Ann Barnhardt twice, listed Silver Bullet Gun Oil, a weapons lubricant, as a hate group, listed single- author blogs like mine, Pamela Geller's and Bonni Intall's as "hate groups" could possibly be wrong. How could an organization which wrote down "Casa D'Ice Signs" as a hate group without realizing that Casa D'Ice was a bar, make a mistake?

But there was no way around it. The SPLC had proven to be Islamophobes and couldn't be trusted anymore. And so I could no longer take their word that I and my cat were a Hate Group. Though Morris Dees may have to go hungry to bed tonight, I must decline the honor of posing as a hate group in order to help him defraud his donors. But I will always remember the brief four hours when I had my own hate group.

71 comments:

OMMAG said...

Congratulations.........

Devorah said...

Just quote that Marx brother and tell them you would never join any club that would have you as a member.

Lemon said...

Mazel tov !
You have arrived.

Ana ny mouse said...

Probably now all the Moslems who have escaped their Islamic states and are speaking about the evils Islam and other Moslems has done to them, because of their Fascist Islamic ideology, will be viewd as members of hate groups, too! Sudanese Moslems who have escaped slavery and torture and killings by Racist Arab Moslems will be members of the largest hate groups!
Iranian ex-Moslems who have converted to Christianity and have seen other converts tortured and even executed by other Moselms, and cannot stop exposing the true darkness of Islam, will be just another anti-Islam hate-group.right now there is an Iranian priest in jail waiting to get executed by Iranian government and except one or two European politicians, no other peace-loving Christians or Moslems are defending them anywhere in the world, not even this organization that calls you and your cat a hate group.
Well, you happen to be in the company of the most open-mined real suffering people of the world without knowing it!

American Genie said...

Gee, Daniel, congratulations, but I feel so slighted. I operate my little blog right here in Alabama under their noses, and between my confederate symbols and anti Islam rants one would think that my dog and I qualify for at least 2 of their lists. *sigh*

American Genie said...

I know. Maybe you could give me a reference... :)

Daniel Greenfield @ the Sultan Knish blog said...

I should start a petition of all the people who want to be included on the list.

Why the SPLC could have hundreds of active hate groups to fight.

Lilly said...

*sniff* I am so proud.

I've been a follower since you were just a lil' Islamophobe.

Next thing you know,you'll be Time magazine's Sultan of the year. :)

srdem65 said...

I confess, I, too, have unpure thoughts about the Muslims. I have reported myself to the Obama Tell-all list but haven't heard back from them yet.
Perhaps when membership in your group opens, you could consider me as a candidate for enrollment.

American Genie said...

A petition is a great idea. If enough people signed it that would be a pretty good indictment of the effectiveness of the hate group known as the SPLC. :)

Mother Effingby said...

I am in awe of your hatey goodness! I thought I wrote some hateful prose, but lo, you show me the way man. I can only hope to be half the hater you are. Congrabulations.

TBS said...

Daniel, are you sure that wasn't a typo?
You might actually be a Hat Group!

Milliners for Freedom Unite! ;)

TBS said...

*offers Lilly a handkerchief in solidarity with her sentimental tears*

I suppose it's a new Barmitzvah variation...Today I am a Hate Group...

imnokuffar said...

Imnokuffar.

Daniel I am proud of you.

Such a high honor is well deserved and being an admirer of your prose makes me an accomplice in "hate".

It brings tears to my (blue) eyes.

You lucky git.

Edward Cline said...

Daniel: Love your tongue-in-cheek humor. I felt left out when I read the SPLC’s list of “hate groups.” I even wrote them, charging them with discrimination and elitism. All they had to do was go to the Rule of Reason and Family Security Matters sites and see how much of a “hater of Islam” I am. I felt demeaned, and was offended. I even provided them with the urls. Of course, I got no response from the SPLC. No sense of humor. But, tell me: Has your cat taken an oath of loyalty?

Passer by said...

Do they have anti-christian "hate groups" listed as well?

Usually the Left is afraid of the word "Christianophobia", because the majority of anti-christian "haters" in the West come from the Left.

There is a high probability that while they (SPLC) are interested in "Islamophobia", they are not interested in "Christianophobia" at all. Which will expose them as biased pseudo-secular hate group that is endorsing certain religions.

mmercier said...

I still have all the pictures of lynchings from the 40's Mr Dee's sent me in the eighties.

Anonymous said...

Daniel, you have been busy! Congratulations, and don't stop. We need blogs like this now more than ever.

Jim

Elizabeth said...

As my 3rd grade teacher niece likes to chant to her class when there is a conflict "Friends!? Friends?!" There in lies the root of the problem. Taking away my God given right to 'not like' someone or something should be punishable by lightning. Take the cats approach to this - stretch, yawn, flop, meow, wonder when it's time to eat, nap, blog, carouse at night, sleep, repeat. Have a damn good day sir!

Anonymous said...

Slander. Lawsuit. Publicity. Media Appearances. Massive Recruitment. SPLC tries again...repeat.

but pygmies said...

Mazal Tov, Daniel. You done arrived. I know that any day during which I am not called a "racist" is like a day without sunshine!

Anonymous said...

Hey Daniel,

Congratulations on becoming a hate group! Keep up the superb writing. You're obviously doing the right things...

When I saw the original list that said "Casa D'Ice Signs", I thought, "what the hell is that? who are they?". There are some classics on the Casa D'Ice website if you have a look.

revereridesagain said...

If the Casa D'Ice's sign rates a nod, can I sign the petition to have my 2005 Toyota declared a hate group by virtue of that "No Sharia" sticker plastered on her butt?

Btw, opposition to religious ideologies cannot be accurately classified as a "phobia". Phobias are specifically irrational fears.

Linda Rivera said...

Will any person who tells the truth about Islam, be considered a hate group? A hate group of one?

Wow, the organization forgot to list all those imams spewing forth hate and death for non-Muslims. Over 80% of mosques in America have been radicalized and preach jihad. All of these imams and mosque goers are actually GUILTY of making Islam look violent and murderous.

Robert J. Avrech said...

Mazal Tov!

I am soooo jealous. How do I get my blog to be declared a hate group? Plese send your how-to-hate package asap.

kriskxx said...

We are all in a 'hate' group, now. Homeland Security list returning Military, religious white people,so I've heard, citizens with guns, probably the tea party,or anyone that yells USA at a sporting event. To come, anyone that puts their hand over their heart, has a flag in the front yard,if not, already. The list is growing to break down traditional American into the leftist " Hate America First crowd" Amish,Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, 4H, all good Traditional American organizations, watch out. Glad Sultan Knish can put tongue in cheek and write about this PC nonsense. The world PC politics is going to destroy America from within.

Daniel Greenfield @ the Sultan Knish blog said...

It does make me feel bad to be the 1 percent that's designated an official hate group while the 99 percent go without the official status, the badge and the secret hateful decoder ring.

Irwin Ruff said...

Has fashion struck the hate groups? Going by your first picture, Jewish JJJ members now wear pink robes? I'll have to get my robes dyed.

Keli Ata said...

Mazel tov!

Keep up the fearless and honest journalism!

Daniel Greenfield @ the Sultan Knish blog said...

blue or pink are good. Rainbows are also in.

Robert J. Avrech said...

Daniel:

Here's how jealous I am. I just wrote the following note to the Southern Poverty Law Center:

I noticed that you just labeled Sultan Knish a hate blog.

I's like to point out that my blog Seraphic Secret, http://seraphicpress has been around since May 2004 and we certainly should qualify as a hate group since we exhibit Islamophobe tendencies that should be obvious to any liberal.

We are saddened and outraged that you have not designated us in the same category as Daniel Greenfield. Please correct your error immediately and let us know when Seraphic Secret is also an official hate group.

Here's hoping!

Daniel Greenfield @ the Sultan Knish blog said...

Robert,

my best wishes for a complete hate group upgrade status

if the SPLC cooperates, we can just use them as a listing for the sane part of the blogsphere

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Daniel. I'm so proud of you. I noticed a day or so ago that SPLC had named you as a hate group. I was going to send you a comment, but you beat me to the punch with your article. BTW, I have a boatload of new kittens out on my front deck. Two mother cats went into the dog house to have their litters. You are perfectly welcome to add those kitties to your hate group. You can take the mothers as well if you want.

It's been great fun reading your article and then all the wonderful comments, which seem to keep poring in.
Debra

Anonymous said...

Man, I need to have my own blog so I can jump on the band wagon too.

Debra

Anonymous said...

If highlighting inhumane barbarity is hate, does it follow that love is the act of encouraging inhumanity through silence? This moral fog is painfully amusing.

Melissa said...

So happy for you!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Mr Knish with a Caveat....

It is only a matter of time if this current governing group of miscreants remains in office that blogs like yours will be outlawed.

I have no doubt that you are on a Federal watch list. I guess by virtue of posting on a number of sites which run politically and culturally opposite of this regime, so am I.

While I certainly applaud your badge of honor-I am afraid there is going to be a point in time when the joke is over...I hope I have the cajones to stand up like you have. All I am now is anonymous.

Zilla said...

Congratulations, Daniel, and to your cat as well! Now your kitteh needs its own Twitter account so the rest of us minor hateful bigots can follow him and his hateful hateyness. "Hate" is the new word for awesome, dontcha know.
Man are leftists freaking dumb. A sign outside of a bar is a hate group? Well now husband and I will have to take a road trip when I get better and maybe bring our our little baby hateful hatey hate haterites with us so we can go and drink some hateful beer or some bigoted sodas.
Thank you for the smiles today, I needed them. :)
Did I say that leftists are dumb? Well it bears repeating. What freaking morons. LMAO!

Daniel Greenfield @ the Sultan Knish blog said...

Thanks Zilla, feel better

Paul said...

Since I'm on your email list, I'm at least an associate member. Could we have secret handshakes, rituals and jewelry and stuff like the Freemasons? I'm crazy about that stuff.

As founding members, you and your cat have all my respect. But you should know that if it ever comes down to a power struggle between you and your cat, I'm going with cat. So don't rock the boat.

Daniel Greenfield @ the Sultan Knish blog said...

That all sounds like too much work. What if we all just wear funny hats every Tuesday?

Anonymous said...

hey everyone

The reason Knish is a hate blog is not because he is a blogger, but because he writes for David Horowitz's Front page magazine and is tenured there.

The SPLC rarely put a mere blogger on their hate list.

i say this because a lot of bloggers above think that it's about blogging.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, what an honour!.... but why did it take you so long?

I rather like the idea of "Funny hat Tuesday".

If Muslims would just read their own texts and the life of their profit I'm sure they too would understand what's not to hate kate b

Anonymous said...

I just picked up the right Tears-day accessory at Disturbin' Turbans:.

Can I join? O please, o please, Oh PLEASE?

Dr. Zharkov

Doris Wise Montrose said...

Mazel tov, Daniel! It's like winning an academy award. There should be an awards ceremony.

Daniel Greenfield @ the Sultan Knish blog said...

Anon, I don't know. They didn't list the Freedom Center. They did list the signs on a bar. I'm going with "never blame on malice what can be blamed on stupidity". This has the feel of a random list assembled by a bored staffer to have something to show the donors.

Kate, funny hat Tuesday is America's fastest growing hate group.

Zharkov, the right accessory is everything.

Doris, so long as it's not a little golden statue of Morris Dees.

Jack Rackim said...

Way to go. I discovered your blog only two weeks ago and I was glad I did. After seeing your new distinction, I will make it a point to read your blog first. Every day. Keep up the good work.

Van Grungy said...

Exterminating Jews and Christians is the baha'i way..

the only people that universalists want to exist are the useless people (muslims) so that they may purge and rule as they please..

Anonymous said...

Kol Ha'kavod! I would like to see some in-depth reporting on where Morris Dees gets his money from on blogging sites. Gentlemen, start your engines...

Tupac

Leah said...

If I were a hate group
yaddal daddal dedee deedee dee dee
If I were a hate group....daaaddaaaa
Why Daniel! Why are you just sitting there?!
This could be put to music like Fiddle on the Roof! Musical scores- the works!
You could be missing a valuable opportunity!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and mazel tov on your status.

Yusuf Al-Kafir said...

Congratulations!

Who doesn't love a little recognition now and then? ;)

Keep up the good work!

For the record, I'm not a hate group either. I just like how my name rolls off the tongue......

American Genie said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha...
This has been the most fun...

Daniel, if you and the cat need security my pit bull, Naomi, would be more than happy to provide the service free of charge. She loves Islamophobic hate groups,and he hates Morris Dees.

American Genie said...

"she" hates Morris Dees. I nearly got bit for that...

She's grumpy today because we have not been declared a hate group.

songdongnigh said...

Bravo Daniel Greenfield, you've made the big time to have the Southern Poverty Law Center designate you as a hate group. You must be doing something right. Hopefully someday I too will be called an anti-Islamic hate group by the SPLC.

The one thing above all others that the Left/Islam cannot bear is humor.

Vic Rosenthal said...

Did you notice that there is not one Muslim or hate-Israel group on their list? What about the Muslim Student Association that shouted down Michael Oren? What about blogs like Electronic Intifada or Mondoweiss?

American Genie said...

Vic, then they would have to put themselves on the hate group list.

Didn't you get the memo? It's only hate if it can be perceived as directed at Muslims.

Vic Rosenthal said...

Actually, there is one Muslim group: As-Sabiqun, home of Imam Malik Ali, here in California. But it's listed as 'general hate'. I guess they hate generals.

American Genie said...

@ Vic

They probably hate other Muslims which must have really confused the brilliant minds at the SPLC.

rumcrook™ said...

your a hate group heh? how very very orwellian....

next step being jailed for upsetting the delicate sensibilities of muslims?

your well reasoned and effective and thought provoking, but if you lived in london you would already be in prison ala one poor bloke who is less capable with words and probably more blue collar in perspective and now has the ignoble title of being the UK's first notable political prisoner for upsetting muslims with his opinion.

and interestingly we are to take the word of the proseciutors that what he put in his windows was so vile it rated a year in prison,

http://frontpagemag.com/2012/03/14/u-k-thought-police-send-man-to-prison/

Scott said...

maybe the group is your fans, commenters, or anyone who agrees with a single opinion of yours.
or maybe they think you have multiple personalities, cybil.
i think SPLC group hates you. i'm so confused...
that plantation hates anyone who is a free independent thinker.

Anonymous said...

I'm kvelling!

Keliata said...

The SPLC defines you as a hate group not just because of your opinions but you have a very unique knack of breaking the fourth wall through through humor/satire/political and social analysis and history.

Breaking the fourth wall scares liberals. You are the real deal when it comes to this, they feign it. It comes across as cheap sentimentality. Liberals can't do it no matter what media they true to use it in. It's not easy to pull off, but you excell in it and I doubt your even aware that is what your writing style does.

I hope you appreciate how much your readers appreicate this.

Anonymous said...

Next up: Ataaaaaaaaack Watch!

Daniel Greenfield @ the Sultan Knish blog said...

K.A. interesting what you said about the fourth wall

23 Skidoo said...

I wonder.....how does the SPLC resolve the feud between the Sunni and the Shiite?? How do they determine who hates whom? Who gets the have the hate group title???

occupant 9 said...

After reading the Sultan for years, what's not to hate?

The BEST the Left can do is try to destroy through "hate" labels of their own invention, and they know hate best. Did the SPLC sent you an official "designated hate group" logo you can upload to the site?

pavellas.com said...

We haven't heard from your cat and therefore I'm suspicious about your gang.

Anonymous said...

Callmelennie sings ...

If I were a hate group
Grousle grumble grousle
Grousel grousel grumble grousel grumb
All day long I'd foamy foamy growl
If I were a hate filled group
Wouldn't have to think straight
Grousel grumble grousel
Grousel grousel grumble grousel grumb
If I were a foamy foamy hate
Grousel grumble grousel grousel group

There you go, Knish Man (and Leah), at least we have the chorus down

John the River said...

Congrats,
Your article inspired me to add a post to my blog;

I wait, eagerly, by the phone. Oh please, oh please…Me Too!!! Forty years ago a noted Boston Globe columnist, George Frazier, remarked upon finding out that he had been listed on Dick Nixon’s “Enemies List” (A man he truly hated), that the shame would have been too much to bear if his non-relenting poisonous pen on the subject of President Nixon hadn’t been recognized by his object of despisal. In other words, his hatred and detestation had been reciprocated, to the mutual joy of both.

I’m sure Dan feels that way about the SPLC’s calling him a “hate group”. It must be especially delicious to realize that the act of labeling a one-man operation as a “hate group” instantly becomes a self inflicted wound.

God I envy him. Lucky Bastard.
http://onthenorthriver.com/2012/03/16/3262/

Anonymous said...

Daniel....I would like to join the "Hate group" into which you have been cast.
where do I sign up (and can I bring my cat too?).
A wonderful "show and tell" about undoubtedly one of the largest hate groups in America, the SPLC.
Wonder why Congress hasn't seen fit to pull any and all funding (grants and the like), away from this shallowest and conniving of groups? Hmmmmmm.
Personally, I think "Passer by" has a great idea.....outright accuse the all Islamic terrorist groups here in America and abroad of being "Christianophobes". Do it loudly and often...as it is the truth.
Daniel, it would also be easier to classify your writings as mere "tongue in cheek" if they weren't so bloody true.
Oh, by the way....I want the secret hateful decoder ring and badge with my membership.
It's a mitzvah to have outspoken individuals such as you trying to educate those of us in the great unwashed masses...
Forget the cover of an anonymous signature...What I write will bear my name...Joanne Edmiston

Keli Ata said...

I went to the SPLC last night and viewed their "file" on Pamela Geller.

Yikes.

I was totally baffled when they wrote that she is so pro-Israel that she even criticizes liberal Jews.

SPLC seems to have problems grasping that such writers are issue oriented.

Same with you. I don't think they've read any of your article denouncing the human rights violations of Muslim women.

****

Me and my cat proudly support you and yours:)

SPLC must think your kitty is a lion. After all...your name.

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