Monday, April 20, 2009

Embedded with the Iraqi Liberation Forces of Operation American Freedom

Our First Days

18:22 Monday, April 27, 2021

Ever since Prime Minister Jafar's speech a month ago, in which he stated that we had a moral duty to bring democracy to the American people, these troops have been en route to the United States. No one in the Desert Lions Mechanized Brigade had any idea what kind of opposition they would face when they arrived as part of the struggle to liberate America from President Hussein's rule.

Landing in the vicinity of Jeremiah Wright International Airport, the expected opposition has thus far failed to materialize. Few in the once vaunted American military seem to have any desire to die for President Hussein. The streets are mostly empty, except for the murals of "President For Life" Hussein on almost every building.

The countless murals of President Hussein, the magazines with his picture, his face on hundreds of books, remind me of the stories my father told of growing up under Saddam Hussein's rule, before the Americans liberated us. There are occasional television broadcasts but they consist of nothing more than regime propaganda. Even as the armored carriers of the Desert Lions ride down their streets, their newscasts insist that there are no Iraqi troops on their soil.

The infrastructure remains badly devastated, the result of over a decade of Democrat Party rule. It is shocking to see the decline of America from the movies I used to watch as a boy. All the wealth seems to have gone into the Georgetown mansions of President Hussein's associates, who also ran much of the country's industry into the ground. The rest of the population lived on government stipends balanced out by heavy taxation.

The shelves in the stores we pass are mostly empty. Many food products enjoyed throughout the free world are banned in the United States, some such as transfats, HFSC, animal meat and eggs because they are considered immoral or conducive to what President Hussein calls "global warming". Global Warming is also the reason given why Americans have electricity for only half the day and are not permitted to drive cars during certain hours. It is also why there are no planes visible, except those belonging to close associates of President Hussein.

Here and there we can see looters scurrying between buildings. The Smithsonian appears to have been looted, partly by bandits and partly by the regime itself. Michelle, the dictator's wife, was reputed to use priceless artifacts from the Smithsonian's Egyptian Collection as accessories during her frequent shopping trips to Milan and Paris.

As it is nighttime, Washington D.C. is dark. The Desert Lions are entering Columbia Heights and we expect possible opposition there from the Obama Youth and the Democratic Guard.

                                        Among the Ruins

01:31 Tuesday, April 28, 2021

All is seemingly quiet but that might be deceptive. For now we have come across nothing worse than the occasional mob brandishing posters of President Hussein and screaming insults and threats at us. A few have attempted to throw Molotov cocktails in our direction.

We have made base camp in Shaw Sector. A few of the locals have come by to stare at our tanks and ask us if we have work for them. When President Hussein nationalized the private sector, he also instituted universal employment. But most workers were paid for in Welfare Dollars, which were useless outside the government stores. And the government stores themselves were routinely empty of all but a few basic government mandated staples.

While officially everything from guns to alcohol to uncensored printed materials are banned, they are also widely available, and we have been offered many of these for sale by vendors calling out, "Whiskey, Democracy, Sexy." Though President Hussein's government has banned almost everything, there is a huge black market here in banned goods. It is possible to buy anything from a hamburger to a machine gun to a copy of George Orwell's 1984, mere blocks from Hussein's former centre of government.

While Hussein's so-called "Green Communism" instituted by the ruling Democrat Party has impoverished the country, it has also stimulated this underground black market.

I spoke briefly with one such vendor today by the name of "Carl". Carl told me that whiskey is driven up from what he calls, "moonshine stills" in Southern Maryland hidden in consignments of government welfare trucks. Printed materials are produced from rogue hacker information archives. Within an hour these archives can print any banned and censored materials and have it ready for distribution. Firearms come from the DMZ at the Rio Grande and through Northern Atzlan. Smugglers bring them on wooden boats and then pass them on north. The weapons themselves are crude, mostly copies of Russian hardware, manufactured in Atzlan, but they are reliably deadly.

As America's former capital, Washington D.C. was nevertheless the center of thousands of murders each year. While the American government maintained a vast internal security force operating out of the Department of Homeland Security, this force was primarily focused on political crimes. With the official disarming of the populace and the elimination of state and municipal authorities, only Federal Peacekeepers remained as a national police force, and they were woefully inadequate to the job.

Under President Hussein's regime, the average American citizen could expect to be routinely spied upon by his neighbors, have his phone conversations automatically recorded and be constantly monitored by closed circuit cameras everywhere he went in order to be assigned ever increasing fines for his "carbon footprint". However he could also expect to be mugged, beaten, raped or robbed by a criminal element, whose ranks were bolstered by the widespread unofficial unemployment, without any response from the Federal Peacekeepers at their Civil Control Stations.

As a result the average American has learned to be cautious, furtive and armed if possible. There is no law, only terror and the threat of the DHS torture rooms, or the Minnesota Gulags. The real everyday dangers in America lie in running afoul of either the illegal criminal elements or one of the many powerful associates of President Hussein or powerful figures in the Democratic Party.

Drinking some of their illegal whiskey now and staring into the distance, I wonder whether we will ever be able to bring democracy and peace back to this shattered land again.

                                          A Broken Land

10:19 Wednesday, April 29, 2021

There is word of heavy fighting by the Scorpions and Eagles around Chicago, President Hussein's current capital. The elite units of the Democratic Guard were positioned inside Chicago's crowded streets using ordinary citizens as human shields. The death toll has been horrifying.

In New York and Atlanta, we have found rape rooms and far uglier things within the Civil Control Centers which President Hussein used to control every aspect of daily life for the average American. Fortunately few of the Peacekeepers seem to want to fight us. For the most part they have taken off their buttons emblazoned with Hussein's image and blended into the general population. Literature that we have recovered from their headquarters heavily peppered with quotes from Mao suggests that they may be planning an insurgency. But that is a worry for another time.

It is the few Democratic Guard units who are our biggest concern. While President Hussein starved most of the American military and outright massacred a number of brigades using chemical weapons, the Democratic Guard brigades were given the best equipment. These brigades were led by the sons of top Democratic party officials, including the son of Vice President Biden, and composed of men personally loyal to President Hussein. They have been imbued with a fanatical dedication and devotion to him. I have seen them die with his name on their lips.

We encountered a dozen tanks of the Democratic Guard at dawn. The firefight was brief but fierce. The quality of American military equipment has drastically declined, but nevertheless the Democratic Guard was equipped with the best weapons from a decade ago. Walking amid their burning tanks after the battle was done, I saw bodies wearing Obama Hussein buttons and pins. Burning currency with his face on them fluttered in the wind.

And overhead his face looks down on me from countless murals. There is death everywhere. The one prisoner we took is huddled now with a copy of the thing he loved most rescued from his tank. It is a copy of one of President Hussein's books. The prisoner keeps rereading it over and over again, whispering to himself, "Hope and change. Hope and change."

I think his mind has broken. Or perhaps he is a fair representative of the indoctrinated supporters of this tyrannical regime.

                                               Fire and Ash

05:19 Wednesday, April 29, 2021

Suicide attacks have become routine now. The airwaves are full of messages from President Hussein calling on his followers to fight to the last. The reporters no longer claim that we are not here, but they insist that we are being driven back. Each broadcast contains lists of Civil Control Centers to report to. Non-compliance is said to be punishable by death. I saw a group of schoolchildren being rounded up this way marching with bomb packs on their shoulders, chanting Hussein's name.

Much of Chicago lies in ruins. Atlanta is burning and Newark is a madhouse. The insurgency has already begun to exact a grim toll. We are working to restore electric power, but as soon as we get a generator working, maddened fanatics from the Obama Youth brigades manage to shut it down again, screaming that we are polluting the earth with carbon emissions.

While the reporters continually talk about Hussein, no one has seen a live message from him in days. This is an aberration as he made it a daily habit to deliver speeches to the nation in prime time viewing hours. It suggests to the unit commanders that he has gone into hiding and may be directing the insurgency from there. Photos have been distributed of what he might look like with a beard or disguised as a woman. Not that they are needed. The murals everywhere, his face on every denomination of coin or bill, and the constant portraits and the two holidays in his name, make it impossible for anyone to forget his face.

The war goes on and the dead are buried. We are struggling to bring peace, but day by day the war only looks worse. I do not know if we will succeed in bringing democracy to America. Only that we must try. And the key is finding Hussein. He is out there somewhere, perhaps hiding in a hole in the ground. And when he is found, we can begin the process of creating a transitional government to restore democracy to America.


Lemon said...

Very funny article and great satire.

bg said...


thank you!! :+:

albeit satire,

i have been saying that Iraq will be returning the favor by Liberating US some day in the future, even before Obama was elected..

honestly, one would have to be deaf dumb & blind not to have seen what was coming, whereas most Iraqis truly didn't have a clue..

God Bless Bush/Maliki!

God Bless America/Iraq!!

God Bless Soldiers everywhere for putting THEIR
lives on the line to protect us ALL from terrorism!

thanks again & God bless you!! :)


Keli Ata said...

Great article and great pictures to enhance the story. You always choose the best graphics to go along with your articles.

Sultan Knish said...

thank you

Akiva said...


Keli Ata said...

You're welcome:)

I have an alternative title for the article--"A Tale of Two Husseins: It Was the Worst of Time and the Worst of Times."

all our Hussein needs are some body doubles like the Iraqi one had.

Keli Ata said...

The American Hussein hasn't gotten to the mythological supernatural level yet. It's interesting how charismatic cults of personality like S. Hussein and false messiahs are perceived as supernatural beings.

Sultan Knish said...

All the halo pics during the election would suggest he's gotten there already. That and the leg thrills.

Jack Dwyer said...

Dear Sultan Knish,

You have been illegally using time travel and, far worse, are also attempting to change the future by reporting it now.

This we cannot permit. I'm afraid we're going to have to prevent you from doing so.

I'm sorry. I know the immediate future of humanity and especially the U.S. well, "sucks" for the next century or so, as a human friend of mine would say, but there it is...

Lord Chancellor,
High Council of Timelords.

Sultan Knish said...

Under the terms of the 45th Amendment, the Right to Own and Employ Time Machines for the Purpose of Self-Defense, Recreation and Hunting Dinosaurs.... I'm going to have to state firmly that you can have my time machine when you pry it out of my cold dead waldos

Jack Dwyer said...

Sorry, Sultan.. The real 45th Ammendment; the Eminent Names Domain Act (the so-called "Dynasty Act"), sadly restricts the Presidency to the Democratic Party and Eminent Names Domain; effectively, only a member of the Obama, Clinton, Carter and Kennedy families may become the Dear Leader. The Act also proscribes those with certain names from holding office, like Bush, Reagan, Lincoln, Roosevelt and Washington.

Oh, and you probably won't have any luck getting either time machines or waldoes! Sorry. Just one of those things. Your dinosaur predecessors were equally stubborn, and failed to heed our sage advice. [sigh] I really miss my many dinosaur friends!


Seriously, though, the sad probability is that the real future will not be anywhere near as positive as your satire is, Sultan, an I think history will justly damn Obama and the Americans who voted for him accordingly...

Sultan Knish said...

You're thinking of the 44th Amendment, which also bans anyone capable of following a politician's speech beyond 2 sentences from voting.

The time machine is here, the waldoes are usual on back order. But they've promised me they'll arrive on Thursday, they just didn't list a year.

I think we can get a pretty good idea of what the future will be like by looking at what corrupt dem only municipalities are like and mapping that onto the United States national government, combined with doses of Latin American and African countries transitioning to a dictatorship

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