Sunday, June 15, 2008

The Future Books Obama May Write

As everyone knows Obama is more famous for his words than for his deeds, but while Obama may have borrowed his words from Reverend "God Damn America" Wright and Maya Angelou, he sure did a good job of arranging them into books which sold very well on college campuses.

So I've created some possible books Obama is likely to write in the near future.

Powerful and compelling, "Streams of Lies from My Father" explores Obama's need to lie compulsively about everything while blaming it all on his father. You'll laugh, you'll thrill to Obama traveling through space, inventing the comma and pretending to be an oppressed black man in Chicago armed only with his Harvard degree and no sense of right and wrong.

Finally the real Obama. It's a story of hope and change, crazed ambition and Oprah appearances. For the inner Hussein in all of us. NOW BOW BEFORE OBAMA.

"Selected Not Elected", it's the book about politics for people who read the New York Times. Recommended by the AP, Washington Post, New York Times and everyone in the media who thinks a press makes them into the electoral college. "Compelling," says Thomas Friedman. "I'm already dead, stop quoting me," says Robert Friedman.

This is the Mother of all Elections! O Arabs, O Human Beings, the Zionist infidels plot to bring McCain to the White House. They claim to possess Florida. By Allah's chin whiskers, we shall toss them back. You mighty Ghazis of the Iowa Caucus, you great Mamelukes of the DNC, smite them by the Prophet's Name, so that Barack Hussein Obama may achieve his glorious reign of hope and change.

Have you ever gone hitchhiking down a lonely D.C. road only to discover that a sleazy inexperienced candidate from Chicago is just waiting for lonely gullible voters to hitchhike his way to the White House on? If so this compelling thriller from Barack Obama is for you. Beware of White House hitchhikers.

Stop worrying America! I know you've been getting a lot of crazy emails saying Barack Obama is a Muslim who hates America. How can you believe that. Look at my big grin. Don't pay attention to the knife. You can't see the knife. Only the grin.

Because nothing says articulate visionary like freezing like a deer caught in the headlights when being asked a question to which the answer is neither "Hope" nor "Change". "Uhhh" masters the appeal of Obama in one short explosive grunt. Uhhhh...

Yes we can. God Damn America.

There's the Right Way, the Wrong Way and then there's the Wright Way. Discover how much fun racist theology can be as Obama and Wright lead you through their wacky belief system. Includes sing along tape with such great hits as "Whitey Sank African Atlantis" and "Ronald Reagan Invented AIDS to Keep Us Down". It's the perfect gift for Father's Day, if your father is a giant racist or an Obama voter.

Hello, my name is Barack Obama. Dearest beloved. I have left over from my father, a great Kenyan patriot, a large quantity of Hope and Change for you. To achieve this, you must elect me President and I will mail you right off Hope and Change. Bless you. I await your votes.

Shut up Whitey.

Want to know how to make your marriage just like Barack and Michelle's? Learn the ins and outs of undermining your spouse, humiliating him in public and taunting him with the fact that you can beat him at arm wrestling.

Middle name. Uh what middle name?

So you've lost an election? What's the first thing you're going to do? Write another life affirming memoir about it of course.

Hi kids, I'm Barack Obama. Barack means Magic in Tungustu. Obama means, I have lots of candy for you. Also I can do magic. I will lower the oceans, clean up the ozone layer, give everyone free health care and make the world love us again. Now watch me pull this penny out of your ear. Remember a vote for Barack Obama is a vote for Magic Powers.

Be sure to pick up all these books and many more. Remember Obama's book sales are all that stand between him and a Presidential pardon for Tony Rezko.


Lemon said...

Best sellers!

Keli Ata said...

The definitive works of Barack Obama! Get 'em at the Barnes & Noble nearest you.

Wonderful post! Love it. Love it. Love it.

Keli Ata said...

Baron Munchausen!!!! YES. That's his DSM dx alright.

You are a smart one, Sultan :)

Keli Ata said...

Very OT but while I'm here and it's on my mind--the Associated Press just days ago reported that some people consider Obama a "standard-bearer."

Yikes. Is it me or does that term--Standard Bearer--carry messianic connotations?

Why is a secular though mainstream news organization using that to describe Obama? I could be reading far too much into it but isn't there something in the Tanach (Isaiah??) about G-d raising up a standard among the nations? The root of Jesse? That seems vaguely familiar.

If that's true and that's how the AP is alluding to Obama things are getting pretty scary. Is this really happening? I don't recall any US presidential candidate being referred to in messianic terms and standard bearer sounds very biblical.

I know what a standard is and if Obama is raising one it's about two feet high at best.

Anonymous said...

Can't wait for the book signings in Chicago...home of the cheat and flim flam man.

Yobeeone said...

Rumor has it Dick Cheney will be bird hunting somewhere near the muzlims book signings! I'm taking popcorn and a lawn chair to watch the show!

Keli Ata said...

ROFL Yobee! You bring the pop corn, I'll bring the nachos and salsa.

TNC said...

This post had me cracking up. Not sure if it was due to the caustic satiric element or the reality of it all. This will def. end up on the New Centrist in the next day or so.

Keep up the excellent work, Sultan.

Sultan Knish said...

thank you, glad to know you enjoyed it

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