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Saturday, June 16, 2007

The Latest News From Sunny Gaza

Welcome to sunny cheery Gaza where after the Israeli withdrawal, the friendly Palestinian Arabs have abandoned violence and built a model democracy that is the envy of every other nation in the region. Business is booming as typical Arab ingenuity has come to the rescue with developing industries in agriculture, computers and medicine. All around Gaza, a construction boom is taking place as new high rises are going up and the residents of Gaza are all walking around with big smiles on their faces.

Now let's take a look at some of the happy news from sunny Gaza.




1. Hamas and Fatah Offer High Rise Hang Gliding Lessons

In the interest of fostering brotherhood and mutual friendship, activists from Fatah and Hamas have been offering each other hang gliding lessons. While Gaza still lacks aircraft, the locals have been making do by using tall buildings instead. Lessons are free and the instructors are always eager for new students and when a new student hesitates to take his first leap, the instructor will not hesitate to give him a little push.


2. Women's Clothing Is In!

Gaza's traditional cosmopolitan open mindedness has given rise to a festival of cross-dressing as Fatah activists show off their transvestite side by donning women's clothing and participating in a race for the Egyptian border. In their colorful black sheets, the Fatah activists look incredibly spiffy, while others have stripped down to their underwear. When you visit sunny Gaza, remember over there, women's clothing isn't just for women anymore.


3. State Department Seeks Distinction Between Hamas Guns and Hands

The State Department has announced that it wants to create a distinction between the military wing of Hamas in the form of the guns and the political wing of Hamas which pulls the triggers.

"The hand that pulls the trigger is entirely different from the gun that fires the bullets," said Horton Thurstpile the III, "we cannot afford to marginalize the moderates which are firing the guns by classing them with the extremist guns which shoot the bullets."


4. Gaza Celebrates Peres Victory With Gunfire

The friendly and helpful residents of Gaza overjoyed by Shimon Peres' presidential victory celebrated with rounds of gunfire and mortars all through the night and the next day. Numerous people were injured but a round of hugs all around quickly made up for it. Hamas leaders issued a congratulatory press release celebrating Peres' victory and promising that they plan to throw an explosive party in his honor shortly.


5. Peres Visits Western Wall: Asks God to Tear it Down

In his first historic visit to the Western Wall, Shimon Peres eventually figured out where the walls. Standing in front of the wall, Shimon Peres, echoing Roland Reagan, raised his head to heaven and proclaimed, "I Ask You Mr. God, Tear Down This Wall."

2 comments:

Lemon said...

Shimon Peres thrusts hand thru wall while showing bystanders his latest karate move.

Yobeeone said...

Peres sticks booger on wall. Finger sticks. He can't remove it.

What was thought to be an angel, donning a pair of glasses with a large nose and mustache, shoves large stone from top. Peres is crushed. A tiny note falls from heaven, "Peres, even if you were a booger, I wouldn't pick you."

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