(Due to personal reasons Sultan Knish was not able to post today so we instead bring you a guest post from famed author, journalist and conspiracy theorist, Barry Chaimish.)
Prognostications of Armageddon or I Told You I Was Right
by Barry Chaimish
I'm in sunny South Minneapolis now having lunch with Joel Siegel, Naomi Klein and the descendant of the Archduke Ferdinand whose assasination brought on the beginning of the Crimean War as documented by Oswald H. Reilly in his excellent book, 'A Secret History of the Illuminati's Wars.' The Archduke is picking up the check.
The Archduke better known today as Johnny Kiplinger found inner peace in Buddhism but with some prodding unfolds a tale for us so fantastic that I will make it the center of my next book, 'We're All Doomed' by Barry Chaimish to be jointly distributed by Satanspawn Press, Christmageddon Ministries and any radio station in Idaho that will put me on the air for 15 minutes.
Suffice it to say that the Sabbatean\Freemasonic\Maine Gas and Power conspiracy I've been trying to wake up the apathetic Israeli public to goes on as before. Under the bidding of the Vatican, the EU and Stanley Morgan their conspiracies are unleashed and yet no one will listen or buy copies of my books for a reasonably priced $12.95, that's $618.99 in Canadian Rupees. Does no one care at all? While the 'so-called' Gush Katif refugees live high on the hog, I can't even take a single drink from the minibar. The world hangs in the balance and I've had to cut my tips to the hotel staff down to %12 because nobody in the supposed right-wing camp cares enough to subsidize the hotel bill for my world tour exposing the hidden conspiracies behind everything.
I stumbled on this conspiracy by accident myself some years back when Beelzebub himself, AKA Daniel Pipes said some mean things about me. Immediately I grasped that this was not an accident or an act of ignorance but that his criticism of me could only mean one thing, HE WAS HELMING A VAST CONSPIRACY WHICH I HAD UNKNOWINGLY UNMASKED.
Along with a certain professor from Haifa whom I won't name except to anyone who emails me and gives me the secret password (aardvark) Daniel Pipes, a member of CFR, NRA and the ATF, is conspiring to enrage the otherwise peaceful and friendly Arabs with insulting cartoons of Mohammed and faking the 'kidnapping' of an Israeli soldier which like all the so-called Hamas terrorist attacks, were really the work of the Israeli government. Shimon Peres who assasinated Ofra Haza, JFK Jr and Ralph Lauren is all part of this somehow too.
While the right wing camp engages in frivlous behavior such as aiding refugees and protesting against the government, I have come to Minneapolis for the only people still willing to listen to me, the Baptist Pastors of Messianic Synagogues such as Rabbi Yauchonanu Zwiebel who has invited me to speak on 'The Destruction of Israel and Converting the Heathen Jew' and of course my good friend Thomas Knoebel, a Holocaust skeptic, from the Fourth Reich Historical Revisionism Society. These are the last honest people around and we had better listen to them and me, before it's too late.
I will be on WZBZ radio station, 1056 AM, at 3 AM on Jim Oakley's show, 'Anti-Christ Unmasked - Exposing the Satanic New World Order' conspiracy. Jim has actual video of reptilians boarding the planes which 'supposedly crashed' on 9/11 and new revelations about Stinktrails in the atmosphere, The LUUTE project and the Report from Poundcake Mountain from the Retrolateral Commission of William F. Buckley Junior High School.
As part of my investigations I will also be getting courtside tickets for a Lakers game. As everyone knows the Refaim, the mythological giants of the Bible will be returning shortly on UFO's, and very possibly in the disguises of the LA Lakers. I plan to be on hand to observe and document them. Afterwards I will be escaping pursuit from the fiends the international sabbetean conspiracy will be sending after me to prevent me from speaking to you. If you can please buy my books. If you can't, please buy two. And remember criticising or mocking me in any way proves that you're a dupe or more likely a pawn or knight of the New World Order and other stuff that far-right extremists thought up in the 80's and I ripped off from them after watching some episodes of the X-Files.
The truth is out there. And by out there I mean in here. I mean me. Buy my books.
(The preceding was an op-ed piece from Barry Chaimish, not to be confused with Barry Chamish. For further information on Barry Chamish but not Chaimish see this site here and here)
To clarify the differences, Barry Chamish believes Peres was behind the deaths of JFK Jr and Ofra Haza but NOT Ralph Lauren. Barry Chamish believes that the giants are returning on UFO's and kidnapping women but not that they are the LA Lakers. Barry Chamish believes that the War in Lebanon and the cartoon violence were both a plot by Daniel Pipes who has said mean things about him. Barry Chamish also tours around Messianic Churches and pals around with Neo-Nazi Holocaust deniers. So umm Barry Chamish is nothing like Barry Chaimish. At all.