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Monday, June 19, 2006

Introducing Israel's New Superheroes - The X-Prime Ministers



"A new forum organized by Prime Minister Ehud Olmert is scheduled to meet for the first time on Monday: the Ex-Prime Ministers’ Club. The topic on the agenda: Iran."


Finally deliverance is at hand as the X-Prime Ministers snap into action! When Israel is in trouble they spring into action!

First up is Ehud Barak who can play the piano, speak Russian and show off his many medals. Additionally he possesses the mysterious superpower to conduct secret negotiations while lying about it to everyone's face.

Barak parachutes into Tehran disguised as a woman, meets with top Iranian officials and promises that Israel will allow itself to be nuked so long as nuclear weapons only fall outside the Green Line. Back at home Barak promises that he has made absolutely no deal with the Iranians. No one but no one believes him.

Next to take a whack at the problem comes Benjamin Netanyahu. Netanyahu possesses the power to deliver excellent speeches while conducting multiple extramarital affairs, appearing utterly untrustworthy to everyone but the women and men who have crushes on him, and the fantastic superpower of having absolutely no backbone.

Netanyahu extends himself through space, wriggles into Tehran, delivers speeches that vow the Iranian government but has to flee frantically after seducing the Iranian President's wife.

Then Shimon Peres steps up to the plate. The eldest of the X-Prime Ministers, Peres has a fixed unwavering smile, can bore audiences for hours with ramblings about the nanotechnological future of the Middle East that make absolutely no sense, can quote Das Kapital by heart for romantic reasons and has the amazing superpower of falling madly in love with the enemies of the State of Israel.

Peres takes a train car filled with roses to Tehran, spreads a carpet of them underfoot and tries to woo the Iranian President with talk about building a Socialist future together and combining Israel and Iran into one country. He's promptly stoned by angry mobs, unfortunately he survives because none of them can get a single stone to stick to him.

With all the X-Prime Ministers expended but one it comes time to resort to Ariel Sharon lying comatose in his bed. Sharon has the power of being dead from the neck up and weighing more than King Kong from the neck down. He has the superhuman power to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory and still come out on top always looking out for himself.

A zombie Ariel Sharon climbs out of bed and stomps across Jordan, Syria and Iraq and finally across the border into Iran eating sheep in his sleep to power himself. All weapons deployed by Iran against him are of absolutely no use sticking in his many layers of flab. Finally facing a drastic sheep shortage that would result in mass starvation, Iran detonates its nuclear weapons within its own borders in a massive act of national suicide bombing. Hours later his belly completely filled with radioactive sheep, a glowing Ariel Sharon staggers out of Iran leaving a trail of death wherever he goes accidentally turns right instead of left and becomes the second radioactive zombie President of France.

And this happily ends another adventure of that most intrepid band of heroes, the X-Prime Ministers. Tune in next week when they finally fuse their powers of incompetence, egotism and corruption together to destroy the entire country.

See you next tommorow kids. Same time. Same station.

3 comments:

Lemon Lime Moon said...

Hehehe, good stuff

Keliata said...

you're a pro at this! lol, love it

Danon said...

Hilarious.

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