Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Israelis and Palestinians United in Thinking Munich Sucks

Israelis and Palestinians United in Thinking Munich Sucks


When Steven Spielberg set out to make a film about the Munich massacre, that would feature the massacre as flashbacks during a sex scene, based on a discredited book from a man impersonating a Mossad agent, his dream was to bring Israelis and Palestinians together and beyond all expectations he has. Israelis and Palestinians jointly and in perfect unity agree, Munich sucks.

"I heard the guy who made ET made a new movie and I went to see it even though he is a Jew and in the final days every rock and tree will cry, a Jew is behind me come and kill him," said Ramallah native Abu Salim, 22. "There was no ET in the movie. The movie made no sense. It was all grainy and hard to see and camera went everywhere for three hours. What kind of movie is this?"

"I was hoping Munich was the Indiana Jones sequel where he fights Hitler," Menachem Amron, 31 of Okafim said. "Instead it was all wierd and confusing. I couldn't keep track of half the characters, the story makes no sense and I got nauseated from the camera shaking all the time."

Spielberg's plan had been to create common ground between Jews and Arabs and he succeeded as moviegoers leaving the theater early talked enthusiastically about how long and boring the movie was, how impossible it was to follow the plot and jointly demanding their money back from the management.

Even as the movie's advertising touted it as a true story, both Mossad agents and Palestinian terrorists involved in the massacre and its aftermath agreed it had absolutely no relation to reality.

A baffled Spielberg who had flown to Israel under the impression that it was Morroco with plans of gambling in the casinos was confused by this turn of events.

"By true story I meant that we took something that really happened, optioned a fictional book about it and hired a playwright with no cinematic experience but a lot of hatred of Israel to write a movie illustrating how futile fighting terrorism is," Steven Spielberg earnestly said while trying to unload half a ton of Dreamworks baseball caps no one wanted. "I wanted to communicate to the Israeli and American public how crucial it is that we surrender to terrorists as soon as possible so they might spare at least some of my mansions."

Spielberg's Israeli marketing strategy for Munich had been to hire Eyal Arad, who had been previously hired by Sharon to market the Disengagement. Unfortunately Arad's marketing strategy for Munich of sending armed men into people's homes in the middle of the night, rousting them from their beds at gunpoint and ordering them to go see the movie, may have backfired.

A bewildered Spielberg finding that hatred of his movie was the only common ground between Israelis and Arabs that resulted from his movie attempted to defend his work.

"We're facing a tragic cycle of violence here. A bicycle of violence and it can only be broken if Israel stops defending itself," Spielberg said. "I realize there are a lot of strong feelings about this, what they are I have no idea since I never bothered to listen. But what has the world come to when a sheltered Hollywood liberal can't fly halfway around the world to condescendingly lecture people he wouldn't pay to get him coffee, on how they should live their lives?"

In response to the negative publicity, Spielberg has scaled down his plan to provide hundreds of cameras to Israeli and Palestinian children so they can film their daily lives and instead provided them with magnifying glasses so they can see their daily lives up close.


Minor Fast Days said...

As well as myself. ET:2 where are you?

Anonymous said...

Is it from The Onion ?

sultan knish said...

no it's from the sultan

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