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Monday, June 27, 2005

Democrats claim Dunkin Donuts is just like Hitler

On the heels of a controversy in which Democratic politicians have compared American soldiers to Nazis, Pol Pot and the KGB, accusations are once more flying over comparisons by Democratic Senators of Dunkin Donuts to Nazi Germany.

Earl Gerbereich, CBS News, Monday 2:27 AM

"I went inside the Dunkin Donuts and right away it hit me. There were men in some kind of uniform behind the counter following orders from their commander," Senator Dick Durbin said, "it was just like seeing one of those Nazi movies. It felt like the Third Reich to me."

Matters grew worse for the Senator as he was asked to wait on line to get his donuts.

"Wait on line," Durbin protested, "what is this Nazi Germany? Why are we being herded into lines? This is fascism! Millions of American soldiers gave their lives to stop Hitler only to import fascism onto our own soil!"

After pledging to liberate the Dunkin Donuts from the manager whom the Senator called, Hitler and warning the workers they would be subject to war crimes tribunals, he was finally thrown out of the shop but that did not put a stop to his campaign.

"Dunkin Donuts is the modern Hitler," Durbin proclaimed, "and Mengele's and Goebbels' and Goering's work there behind every counter. This administration has allowed the Dunkin Donuts to thrive on our soil endangering our liberty and making America hated throughout the world for exporting a jelly filled menace. I demand immediate hearings."

Some Jewish groups condemned the comparison to Dunkin Donuts as frivolous and trivializing the Holocaust, however Democrats continue to stand by Durbin's remarks.

"Senator Durbin was attempting to use rhetoric to alert the public to a very grave matter," Senator Hillary Clinton said. "While we have become preoccupied with the so-called 'War on Terror, Dunkin Donuts has snuck up on us and laid siege to our cities. No one does anything about Dunkin Donuts because of their sizeable contributions to the Bush administration while the right wing attack machine goes after a patriot like Senator Durbin."

"Donuts, evil, sweet evil delicious donuts," Congressman Nadler said gobbling a handful of Dunkin Donuts in what he claimed was research. "The government must mffff make every effort to confiscate all mmfffff to be only used by qualified government personnel. Mmmmm Pol Pot had nothing on these."

Howard Dean as head of the Democratic party took the lead in making the rebuttal.

"The Republicans who spend all their time drowning babies and setting fire to black churches think they have America fooled! Yeeaaargh," Dean roared, "but we know better. Nazis are inside the Dunkin Donuts. Hitler is everywhere. We're gonna mobilize. We're gonna stop this whitewashing of Dunkin Donuts. And then we're gonna go get some all american fallafel from Ahmed around the corner to show our american patriotism or I'm moving to Canada."

13 comments:

The Town Crier said...

you are a sick turd. you're sense of humor isn't even in the same planet as funny.

Anonymous said...

Very good article as usual Sultan.
You really hit the situation dead on.

ephshap said...

Abuse of the Nazi card for satire is worse than some of the original analogies.

Sultan Knish said...

the abuse was done by the liberals who compared american soldiers to nazis

the satire attacked them for trivializing the holocaust along with their ignorance of history

Richie Sevrinsky said...

I call Godwin's law -- you all lose.

Sultan Knish said...

been there, done that, had those usenet arguments

godwin's law doesn't apply to parodying someone else's abuse of a nazi analogy

:phil: said...

What if you like Crispy Creme, does that make you a commie?

Anonymous said...

Too bad the people you satire here weren't off base with their accusations that this is what a jew has to do to entertain himself. For Shame.

Anonymous said...

This a good 1 any-way so it cannot get critcism, it's a real masterpiece!!!!!! kudos! kol ha'kavod!

Sultan Knish said...

if you like krispy kreme you're a KK member of course, not a KKK member unless you add 3 K's

Sultan Knish said...

the liberal democrats aren't off base when they compare american soldiers to nazis?

wanna back that up?

Anonymous said...

Liberalism is a mental disorder. I have no doubt about it!

the democrat said...

The poor donuts stuffed into hot ovens and then sold to be eaten remind me of the 'neocons' (PCese for Jews) allegedly killed in the perfectly justified holocaust.

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